The Lemon Bird
by haru's
Summary: The magic lemon bird, who makes smexy boys hot for each other, is on the loose. His next targets are Light and L. WARNING: extreme crack, yaoi, lemon.


_There once lived a lemon bird who lived in a lemon tree, it had many magical powers you see. Seeds for eyes and peels for wings it'd fly across once clear skies and drop its lemony thoughts into little bright innocent eyes. Even Yamato from digimon, ron from harry potter, in one futile swoop they all became whores for feral fans and I'm sorry to say our pretty bird has once again come out to play…._

L was never one to think of sex, actually for a long time he had thought he was asexual, but one fair morning he woke up with a sweaty start, his sheets and clothes drenched. "Did I pee in pants?" The poor thing thought.

And than like a 80mph flying overweight misa-misa, his dream slammed him in the head. _Raito on his hands and knees sucked at L's cock,and before he could cum, Raito sat on top of Ryuuzaki's large dick, which was three times bigger than usual and coated with sugar . "Ahh, L, you're so big, give me more, and I'll admit to you finally I'm K-…."_

L blushed and jumped in the cold shower. When the water didn't help much with the morning wood, he hit his head against the tiles a few times, that seemed to help. "Stupid, sexy, moron with a god-complex." Ryuuzaki thought this problem was over as he put on his usual white baggy shirt and pants. His thoughts were far far away from a certain sexy creature. He sat in front of his computer, tapping away cheerily, and munching on a chocolate muffin. And the lemon bird watched from his perch outside the window, fuming. "Why that little punk, thinks he can just ignore me, I'll show him!"

Raito walked toward L's building, planning and scheming and thinking way way too much as usual , when suddenly something dropped in his eye. "Shit, what the hell." _Ryuuzaki splayed across a bed panting "Yagami-kun please enter me. I need you." _

Raito shook his head and the image was gone as quickly as it came. "Weird, I usually only have those thoughts at night."

"Yagami-kun, you here already?" L asked.

"What am I your husband?" Raito handed him a bag filled with sweets and sitting down next to him.

L squealed like a good little piglet stuffing his mouth with sugar cubes, letting the candy wrappers blow around the room from the incoming draft.

"Closh te winder, Yagommi-ku."

"Yea, yea."

The two boys didn't notice the little lemon bird which had snuck in through the window. It sat scheming behind the computer screen. "Those idiots, they let me in, now I'm going to finish this job, it doesn't seem they need that much of a push anyway. And than I can get to Sasuke and Naruto, who are a whole lot harder to crack." The lemon bird has a short schedule as well as other short_ things_.

"Did I ask for your help narrator? You're annoying, who the hell are you?"

"Yo momma."

"Fuck you, lets get on with this."

Yea whatever. So when the unsuspecting L bent down to pick up a fallen tootsie roll the lemon bird flew next to Raito's ear and whispered _"Raito, light, whatever you're called, follow your true desire, pluck the fruit from Adam's tree, and you will strike love's fire."_

Like in a trance Raito grabbed Ryuuzaki's balls. _Mm fruit. _

"Yaa-gamiii-kun!?"

Raito didn't care about later consequences, L's pants were in the way of his fruit.

L couldn't bite back the moan as Raito slurped his balls. "Whh-y Raito-kun?"

"Tastes good." Raito swallowed the rest of him. L pushed away extremely confused "NO!"

"Damn stupid…freaken asexual!" The lemon threw a 5 year old stale donut at L's head.

"Go ahead have your way with him, Light-boy."

Light than continued to have sex with L's passed out body, but eventually L came to and enjoyed the rest of the fun.

In the dark you can see a small light turn on, Raito's cigarette.

"Since when do you smoke?"

"I always smoke after sex, it's the rule don't you know. If you don't smoke after sex your penis explodes."

"Oh…."

"…"

"You didn't have sex with Misa-Misa did you?"

"That fat pig, no."

L snuggled up to Raito and said "I love you."

"Where did that come from?"

"It's the end of the fic, you have to say it."

"Hell no."

"Say it or the fic won't end."

"Fine I love you, happy."

END

A/N: That was weird --. Well comment anyway, even if to say "What the hell are you on?"

Peace out and Happy New Years!!!


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